I used to be part of the parents who drink society, and only occasionally gave a passing thought to what I would do in a situation like the one I am about to share with you.
I recently received a powerful message about the problems with drinking alcohol every night. Particularly when you have a responsibility for others – like your children.
It was a leveling reminder of how important it is to be truly present for my children.
Tree Branches Can Break When You Dance on Them
A few weeks ago, late one Sunday afternoon on dusk, my eldest son fell from a tree and broke his collarbone. Needless to say he was in severe distress, and needed the urgent attendance of an ambulance. The good news is that he is now on the mend, with a sling on his arm, and a bump where his previously straight collarbone was. Although he’s missed half the cricket season, he’s learned a lot about patience and healing these past few weeks!
The even better news, for me, is that by the blessing of me having become a non-drinker, I had not been under the influence of alcohol that night the tree accident occurred. Please do focus a moment on the gravity of that last sentence – I had had an increasingly intimate relationship with wine for 25 years! But when this incident happened, I wasn’t affected by wine.
I was able to assist my son when he was in pain and be level-headed and call an ambulance. Anyone who has seen their child in severe pain will appreciate – it was pleasing to me that I was able to be brave and logical, and accompany him to hospital without flapping. All without feeling guilty or shamed by having had too much alcohol that would have made me blunder through and mess up the situation.
The Horror
It was bad enough that I had showered, washed my hair, removed all of my makeup and put my pajamas on! I grabbed some semblance of clothes and a smudge of lippy. But I still went out in public in a condition I would rather not have been seen in! How much more embarrasing it would have been if I had been fuzzy from a couple of wines. Perhaps with it able to be smelled on my breath, perhaps slurring a word or too (or speaking TOO carefully – a sure telltale sign) and glassy-eyed looking. These things matter to me!
Under the Legal Limit
Furthermore, my husband Tony, was able to drive to the hospital late that night to bring us both home, as the broken bone did not require surgery. (Aside: our son thinks this is the biggest win – he was wearing his Manchester United personalised football jersey when he fell out of the tree. Surgery would have meant scissors to the shirt!).
We were able to ask a neighbour to stay with our two other sleeping children while this was all going on. I hate to think of how embarrassed I would have been if we had both had too much to drink to be under the legal limit to drive ourselves out of this situation. Or, given that it was a situation we had no choice about, we would have chosen to drive. Even not knowing whether we were under the legal limit or not. I’m pretty sure we would have chosen this latter option. This, rather than suffer the embarrassment of asking our neighbour to drive our son home, because we’d had too much to drink.
Not so very long ago, we both probably would have had several drinks by the time our sons accident occured, and not been legal to drive.
Fortunately, I did not need to feel guilty about drinking too much alcohol and not being able to be care for my children responsibly.
What Would You Do in an Emergency?
Before I began to Love Being Alcohol Free, I often used to wonder what would happen if my children had an emergency during the evening or night. Especially on weekends, if I had been drinking too much wine, I wouldn’t have been able to drive them. I remember jokingly saying : “Don’t have an accident now, I’m not driving you to hospital!”
Luckily for me, I never got caught out in this way after settling in for my evening treat of drinking wine. Glasses and glasses of wine.
Now, never having to worry about this scenario is one of the things I am so very grateful for. I see it as one of the benefits of the life where I Love Being Alcohol Free. There are many other benefits, which I’ll share over time. However, this little ‘crisis’ really stood out to me, perhaps as a “There you go, here’s a gift to you for giving up drinking” from God, or the Universe.
I hope to never have another child with a broken bone, or a rush-to-hospital-illness in the night. All the same, just being ‘with it’ and not disabled by my choices is a wonderful, and empowering way to be. I’m so glad I got myself here, to this point. If this is something that sounds enticing to you, I can help you get there, too.
Parents Who Drink
I know for a fact that my habits of enjoying wine in the evenings – particularly on weekends – were not particular to me! There are many parents who drink. I can tell by the comments and posts my friends and peers (40 something, middle-class ladies) put on their Facebook Newsfeed. They are good and loving parents who drink and they “hang out” for that drink as a reward, a treat, a deserved indulgence.
Where did the saying “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere” originate? I’m willing to bet in Australia! But maybe you know better! (Comment below – we’ll get to the bottom of it!)
While I always thought that I would not drink too much, and that I was always in control of my senses, I knew, increasingly, that I was not properly there for my family. My need for the sedation of alcohol had risen to a level where it consumed my thoughts and focus. It was making me increasingly miserable. And I couldn’t seem to control it. I love my children, and my husband, more than life itself. Sadly this ‘thing’ had come between me and the ‘me’ I wanted to give to them.
But I’m a good person. Most parents who drink are probably great people. We are good parents. We provide, we love, we cherish. But if your experience is like mine – we are parents who drink who are robbing ourselves and our children of the best parts of our time together.
What Example Should We Set For our Children?
It is an important question – do I really want my children to see me drinking alcohol every day? What kind of example does that set for them as they are growing up? Does that validate that drinking alcohol is a good thing for them? If I am feeling bad about drinking, then why would I want them to start drinking?
This is what I saw when I was growing up. Most days, definitely most weekends, and most every adult I knew drank alcohol. Wine, beer, rum and Coke. In pretty reasonable quantities.
Even from a young age I thought that people who didn’t drink were ‘a little bit different’.
My relationship with alcohol didn’t start out as a problem. And I have loved drinking and the experiences I’ve had around it. But that enjoyable part ended long ago, and the problematic part started stealthily taking over. Then it became a misery. Not everyone has this happen. But those of you with a brain chemistry makeup that responds to alcohol like mine does, will probably have this happen.
It took me a long, long time to get it under control.
So with boy children of the ages (at the time) of 13, 10 and 5, I decided enough was enough. They will still face other societal and peer influences, but I am not going to set the scene for them that was set for me as a child.
Parents who drink do have this responsibilty to think about, I’m afraid.
Is Alcohol Starting to Take Over My Life?
Ask yourself:
- If I am worrying about alcohol all the time,
- feeling guilt and shame about drinking too much,
- worried about drinking in front of the children,
- concerned about my health,
- stressed about drinking alcohol every day
is this a case of alcohol taking over my life?
And then:
- because I get too stressed, I feel like I need to drink every day,
- and this just makes the vicious cycle of alcohol even worse.
Perhaps you are one of the parents who drink who perhaps shouldn’t!
But What Can I Do About It? You Ask
With me, something had to give. I was determined not to give up my health because I want to live to be 100 years old. My children are growing up fast and I was desperate not to waste my valuable time while my children are young. I no longer wished to allow alcohol into my life, when all it caused was distress and discomfort. Drinking alcohol every day just makes me feel bad.
When the pain of trying to control my intake became worse than the pain of not drinking, I knew I had to give up.
Drink in Moderation – Right?
Wrong! Not for me. No matter how hard I tried to cut back on drinking, I just couldnt do it. Ít didn’t matter how hard I used will power to stop drinking, I just couldn’t do it. I tried for a long time to follow the common advice about cutting back on alcohol. That’s what everybody says, even the family doctor. Just try reducing the amount of alcohol. Try to skip alcohol one or nights per week and everything will be all right! Go for a walk instead of having a drink. HAH! Advice from someone who doesn’t have a clue about the problem I have, that’s clear!
If you are like me, then this “moderation” advice just doesn’t work! I tried to cut back, I tried to avoid alcohol on weeknights, and I even stopped drinking for a whole month during charilty events like “Dry July” and other similar events.
But like a bad habit, I found that life just gets complicated sometimes. Before long I found myself drinking alcohol every day again. That is the problem with alcohol, it just creeps up on me like a bad habit, and makes me feel bad.
That was when I realised that drinking alcohol ‘full stop’ was the solution, not the moderation of it. No amount of advice about cutting back was going to help to get it under control for me.
I Needed Help to Stop Drinking
I needed to get help to stop drinking and find some advice that worked better than simply trying to cut back on alcohol. But no matter how hard I searched on the internet, there just doesn’t seem to be any truly useful advice about how to stop drinking effectively, and I had to try to find a way to stop drinking by myself. I was not going to go to public meetings.
Whilst giving up completely may seem extreme to some people, you will know if you are one of the ones who seriously has to consider this option. I say with absolute honesty that I have never been happier, and feel completely comfortable with my decision to stop drinking.
Some people worry that they might miss out on the fun times. Or feel that they need alcohol to relax. They think that they need to drink alcohol every night to get to sleep. Some fear missing out on “something”. But the opposite is true! Each of these areas has to be addressed, and can be addressed. And once they’re addressed, there is no looking back. I am simply overwhelmed by how much better I feel now that I Love Being Alcohol Free! I cannot express how happy I am with my decision.
But it wasn’t easy.
Getting Help – There Is a Way To Stop Drinking Alcohol
We developed a powerful way to stop drinking – and more importatnly – stay stopped. Using this program, I no longer think about drinking alcohol. I no longer need to drink every day, and I do not miss drinking at all.
Nor do I miss how bad it used to make me feel after drinking too much.
If you would like more information about how to stop drinking alcohol every day, I would love to introduce you to our program. Check it out HERE.
