Does your Bucket List Make you Unhappy?

A bucket list is supposed to make you happy – right?  The idea is to plan your life around the big events that you want to accomplish.  And then you are supposed to take great pleasure at gradually ticking off the list of events on your bucket list.  Many people have a bucket list, and while it is meant to be a motivational tool, I think it creates some big problems.

The issue is that no matter how good your bucket list is, the list is never complete – it is always about anticipation.  No matter how many items you cross off the list, there are always more items to add to the list.  For many people, there is a seemingly endless number of items to add to the list.  But there is only a finite amount of resources with which achieve the bucket list.  And maybe there is not enough time to complete the list.  So whilst it seems like a good idea to have a list of aspirational goals, it can become extremely frustrating when we feel that we can never achieve everything, with the limited time and resources that we have available to us.

The bucket list is completely wrong

I think that the concept of a bucket list is completely wrong.  We hope to use a bucket list to make us happy, but the opposite is true.  So why does a bucket list make you unhappy?

  • The problem with a bucket list is when we get anxious about completing the list
  • What if we can’t do it?
  • What if we don’t have enough time?
  • What if we don’t have enough money?
  • What if we tick off an event, but it doesn’t live up to expectations?

 

Social Media creates problems with the bucket list

And here is another big problem and reason why a bucket list makes you unhappy.  The problem is social comparison.  The issue has really been around before the arrival of social media.  It used to be called “keeping up with the neighbours” or whatever you want to call simple jealously or even coveting.  Many people feel a pang of envy when the neighbour drives a new car into the driveway, or even when the neighbouring property has a renovation done, or an extension added to the house.  It is easy to slip into  a routine of comparison, which leads to jealousy or outright competition amongst people.  However, in the days of social media, the exposure to many more people and the potential for envy is multiplied many times over:

  • What if your bucket list I not as good as your friends?
  • What if your friends are always on overseas holidays when you are stuck at home paying bills?
  • What if other people seem to have more fun?

I guess the main purpose of making a bucket list is so that we can plan our holidays, our celebrations, and all our big events in the future.  At least we can look forward and anticipate the special events in our life.  And there is nothing wrong with planning our future, and enjoying the process of preparing to take a long overdue holiday.  That is the fun part!

Why a Bucket List Makes you Unhappy

What about past achievements?Why a Bucket List Makes you Unhappy

But what about all the great things you have already accomplished in life?  What about those special moments in our past?   Maybe we should spend more time in gratitude for all the good things in our life, and all the great memories that we have stored away.  Did you know that studies have proven that happiness comes from spending time in gratitude for what we have, rather than waiting for the future.  After all, we simply cannot control the future, and that leaves us exposed to disappointment.

We live in an IF –  THEN society

The issue with always looking to the next achievement is that we forget to look back at our past successes.  This can be a real problem when we live in an “IF – THEN” society.

  • IF I have a better car, THEN I will be happy
  • IF I have a better house, THEN I will be happy
  • IF I have a better job, THEN I will be happy
  • IF I have more money, THEN I will be happy

But, this mindset does not lead to lasting happiness.  The problem is that when we reach these goals, the same mentality still prevails.

Before long, we get dissatisfied with the new car, new house or new job, and we continue with the “IF I get that new toy, THEN I will be happy”.

And therefore – we may never be truly happy…

There is a better way!  Rather than using a bucket list for motivation, perhaps it is better to write down a list of all of our proudest achievements!

What I am really saying is the bucket list concept is completely wrong.  The best way to do it is to consider the reverse of the bucket list, and focus on the past events that brought you enjoyment and happiness.  It is so simple to make up a list of all of your proudest achievements, and experiences from your life so far.

Review your achievements list frequently, and be grateful for what you have now.  Don’t drown your sorrows when your bucket list seems too hard.

Don’t wait for happiness, or else it may never come!